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Originally posted, March 10th, 2018 on The Nonmad

So, just two days ago worldwide we celebrated International Women´s Day.A day which on the one hand always makes me happy, it´s nice that at least once a year we are taking the time and think about the fact that men and women indeed are still facing different struggles, having different opportunities and changes and that equality is still far, far away.

On the other hand, it might be a day in which I get most frustrated. As long as this day is internationally needed, it means we have not reached what our grandmothers already started fighting for. Do we really have to celebrate the fact that Iceland as the first country in the world has made it illegal for companies to pay men more than women. Should that not be the default option? And, such laws, what do they mean for entrepreneurs? In which ways are we protected from gender discrimination? Well, we´re not actually.

For those who know me, I have quite strong opinions (or strong ideas, as dear Thomas tells me) when it comes to inequality. Of course I have worked on and with gender issues for the past 6 years and it is one of the main focus of my own company as well, so I know the statistics. I have worked in agricultural research, mostly male dominated, with only the Gender Research team made up of women. And I can tell you, it´s not that we did not want any men working with us, but apparently very few men are interested in studying women´s studies or gender studies.

But, no, this will not be a blog full of strong opinions and feminist ideas (I once was working in Nicaragua with a feminist organization and when I asked a bus driver to drop me off by their office he asked me whether that was that organization ´full of women who are mad at men´. I guess that was his concept of feminism). But anyways, no. I do would like to talk a a bit about what it is like to be a female business owner, a women entrepreneur. Because there are differences, and we should acknowledge them, and speak up. But that does not mean that they should stop us!

Female Economic Empowerment

The years that the economy was only ruled by men is luckily coming a bit to it´s end.The Economist named the economic empowerment of women as one of the most remarkable revolutions of the past 50 years. Women contribute more than $3 trillion to the economy and own over 36 percent of all businesses. And, sorry men, but these women owned business also seem to be performing a bit better (according to The Economist statistics.. I am not making this up).

So, where are the traps?

Fear of failure

This is something I actually really admire about men. They seem to be less afraid. Michelle Shepard, the founder of the Women in Real Life leadership, summarised this feeling: “As women, we often wait until we are competent before we feel confident, whereas men often feel confident before they’ve achieved full competence.” Men are able to convince you that they actually really know what they are talking about, and only lots of time later do I find out that they had no clue either at that specific moment. So here we can definitely learn something from them.

First of all, even when you think you´re going to fail, most likely you won´t. So just try it, bluff a little, trick your own mind into thinking you got this. And in the end, when you dó still fail somehow, it´s ok to fail, it´s a learning curve. Learn to recognize when you’re feeling insecure due to your fear of failure, make sure you acknowledge that feeling and than accept it, but don´t let it dictate the decisions you’re making for your company. And realize that even if you do fail, you’re competent and strong enough to handle the failure and move on.

We cannot count on the  boys´ clubs.

As the entrepreneurial market is still mostly male dominated, a 2015 study found that 92% of senior investment teams at top venture capital firms in the US are male, there tend to be massive, what I call, ´boys´ clubs´. Networks of support, by men, for men. And I have noticed so often that the good old ´it´s not whát you know, it is whó you know´ is so true. I have seen it in the organisation where I used to work and I still see it happening.

But, this is no excuse. They are a bit harder to find, and they might not happen at the Sunday Tennis Court or the After Office drinks, but there are some virtual women´s networks out there. I like the one of BeingBoss (yes, the same of the podcast I recommended earlier). You can also just try and search Female Entrepreneur Networks in google and you can try out some.

Women tend to settle for less

I have experienced this quite often myself, especially when bargaining working conditions and/or salary. Too fast and too often, women think ´well, that´s a pretty good offer. I should just accept it, because they will think I am greedy when asking for more. I don´t want to be known as the women that is never satisfied´. Even myself, too often, I have done this. Settle for less. Men, on the other hand, they are never afraid to just try, brag a little, bargain hard for something more and bigger. And almost always they will get it. Having noticed this, I am trying to not say ´yes´ right away to an offer that I don´t feel too good about. It´s ok to know you´re worth. I have a Masters Degree, I have over six years of experience working in what I do, I have lived in different countries and speak five languages. I am worth something, and I have to keep telling myself that.

Something related to this is that I have the feeling that once too often have I been giving away too much without a financial commitment from a potential client. Entire proposals with methodologies, budgets tied together, justifications, communication plans that were part of ´writing exercises´ and after which I have never ever heard back from the potentially hiring company again. When I tell this to women their reply tends to be ´yes, I´ve been there, I´ve done that´. When I tell this to men they tell me they would never do such a thing and they are sure the potential client has just run off with the proposal.

I feel that this is very much tied to the fact that…

Women´t tend to not give themselves the credit they deserve. 

Again, I do this way too often! Especially when I was still working in a team, whenever we had successes, in my mind somebody else was always to be thanked for that. I did not contribute that much, my input was not really that important, it was mostly the rest of the team who made it happen. Actually, this was one of the main things I really liked after I started on my own, now I really was the only one responsible for my successes.

However, mayor point. I always, always talk about the successes of Sivin Communications in a ´we´form. And there really is no ´we´(not yet at least). But when I use the first person to communicate my success I feel like I am bragging. And honestly, somewhere very deep down, I am afraid that if people would find out that me, a 30 year old women, is running this business by herself, the value of the whole thing would go down (wow, those society ideas are really deep, deep inside us eh!).

Again, very few men think this way. They tell their successes, and even on a biological level, men seem to be able to communicate their accomplishments to those around them. So, what am I learning from oberserving this? To have confidence to sell myself on my accomplishments without fearing how others perceive you is necessary. How else will my network know what I have been doing, what I am good at? How else can I grow and build my business. The world needs what I have, and that means learning how to communicate about ME in an effective way.

Stay true to yourself

That said, I do feel that it is super important to stay true to yourself. I have experienced myself quite often, especially when working in more macho countries such as those in Latin America, that I almost automatically changed my behaviour when I was in meetings or conferences that were mostly male dominated. I adopted some kind of a stereotypically “male” attitude toward business: competitive, aggressive and sometimes overly harsh. However, the key is not in changing your behaviour to be ´like the boys´, but to stay true to yourself, finding your own voice and make it work this way.

Also, as you can see in the above examples, women tend to think quite a lot more then men do (I definitely do, ask Thomas) and we always, always care about what other people think of us. Of course there are limits to how much you should allow this, but taking into account a little bit other people is not necessarily a bad thing. I would like to just take a different approach at this and just call it social sensitiveness  Maybe this is a more female trait in general. And in my specific case it has helped me quite a lot gaining the confidence of the people I am working with, vulnerable communities, making them feel at ease. Also, being a women, I feel that I am trusted more often than men. Especially when working on gender-related topics, sexual violence, women´s rights, etc. I feel that both men ánd women tend to trust me more.

So, yes, in all honesty. We might have to fight a little harder, speak a little louder, be a little more patient. But that does not mean it cannot be done! And while, of course, I keep on dreaming that one day 8th of March we will celebrate the fact that we have managed equal rights for both men ánd women, we keep fighting every day. And doing so through our own businesses and by setting the example that ´yes, we can´, while staying true to ourselves, and those character traits that make us women so special, is exactly what we should do.